I never could fast because my eating was very inconsistent. But on March 27^th 2011, I had gone to church and Pastor Paul charged us to PUSH (Pray Until Something Happens) which commenced a week later – April 4^th. In his nudge, he had told us to ask God to tell us what to pray for rather than spend time just praying aimlessly. As I went to bed that night in my apartment in Surulere, I said a little prayer asking God what to pray for.  I woke up from a dream at 2:30am and in my dream, my Dad died. As I have been taught, immediately I woke up, I prayed and after praying, I placed a call to my dad. He wondered why I was calling him at that time. I was also too scared to tell him what I had seen in my dream so I claimed I was just checking up on him since my daily schedule was very busy. I went further to say he often told me to wake up to pray and I felt he was going to be awake praying around that time too so we exchanged pleasantries and left the call. However, as bad as that dream was, it didn’t come with fright. The following morning, I set off to work and my boss – Tunji Agbaje called to tell me he was going to be absent because he got a call that his Dad went into coma at 2am. Now I felt maybe that was what my dream was about and sincerely I felt a bit of comfort. Tunji retuned a few days later to say his Dad regained consciousness. That made me feel like an intercessor whom God answered his prayers.

A week later – April 4^th, we began the PUSH exercise and for the first time in my life, I had a sense of urgency to complete this 21days exercise. The first seven days was going to be without eating, we were going to break with soup in the second seven days and the fruits in the last seven days. It was a tall order for me but somehow the will to go ahead was available. I embarked on this exercise. I got revelation of the word of God like never before. Some of those words still propel me today. During my first week, I would call people like Pastor Flourish asking if we had to go through this process and to be sure every other person was doing this exercise too. I just wanted to be sure I wasn’t left alone. Somehow it got easier as we progressed. I prayed my life out and lost a lot of weight. I felt I had bound whatsoever evil that was going to try to come close. I felt confident of answered prayers though nothing was really urgent in my physical realm but I have never loved to wait for an emergency.

By the 22^nd April, which was a Good Friday, I called my Dad to wish him Happy Good Friday and after our normal conversation, he mentioned that he was feeling a slight pain in his stomach. That felt like an ordinary pain and I told him not to worry that I was going to be home on Easter Sunday. By Easter Saturday, one of my flat mates – James (a close friend of mine) walked into my room that my mom called that my Daddy is not feeling well and we needed to come home to check him. I was like I spoke with him yesterday and already promised to be with him on Sunday but James was adamant that we should head home. So we got on the road. As soon as I got to my parent’s house, everything played out similarly to what I had seen in my dream but not the exact location and also pop was very much alive though sick. I was told they had taken him to the hospital so we headed to the Hospital. I had my other siblings come around too. The details of the event in the hospital are not what I want to write about.

I was a bit tensed knowing I had a dream though I felt I had dealt with but in my typical fashion, I will hardly discuss my dream with anyone. I felt drained and tired. I had not eaten anything tangible in 19 days. Somehow, I didn’t think my dream was about to happen. Maybe I was living in denial. My dad was admitted and we all went home with my cousin (Tunde) staying behind. Myself and James got home and didn’t really dwell on it. James is one of the most positive people I know so it is always good being around him. I went into my room and kept studying my bible and praying. Late that night I found out I couldn’t sleep. I felt a very thick cloud around me. I felt maybe it was as a result of the food I had not eaten in 20 days. I tried to pray but was too tired. I managed to get dressed in the morning for church as I was going to be ushering. In all of these, I wasn’t for once bothered about my Dad’s health. I was convinced that has been dealt with. Let me mention that I have seen answers to prayers. I have prayed to God to have a Birthday party. I have prayed to God to have my parent’s street graded because I wanted to have a birthday party and I have friends coming from all over. When the street got graded, I prayed for a bit of rain to reduce the dust (it hardly rains in February in Nigeria). I have prayed to God and see exam questions in my dream. I have prayed to God to end ASUU strike and it happened (those that went to OAU will understand what ASUU strike meant to us). So, I was coming with an experience of answered prayers. Common I was confident in God or maybe I had an entitlement mindset.

After church, I broke my fast and I got a call from my older brother that Dad needed to be moved to another Hospital and requested I meet the family there. I still didn’t see any urgency. I was convinced and full of faith or so I thought. I eventually got up and hit the road. On getting to the Hospital, felt like a family reunion. My older brother’s friends came around, James came around and my other siblings were around. As it got darker, the nurses requested we leave. My older brother- Bankole offered to stay back. The nurses had mandated my mom to go back home as she had sprained her leg for weeks and had it bandaged. When Bankole offered to stay back, I decided to stay back too. I am not one that could stay within Hospital premises but Bankole is one of the strongest people I know and I am talking in terms of faith so when he offered to stay, I felt I would be in good company. As the night got darker, myself and Bankole were called in to wheel my dad to run a couple of tests. As I wheeled him, I felt he deteriorated within hours. After those tests, he was kept on a bed and had a couple of fluids passed to him. As he slept, I went into the car to nap as I felt incredibly drained and woke up intermittently to check up on him. According to Bankole, at 2am. Dad removed all the drips and said he wanted to go home asking what he was doing in the hospital. That appeared shocking to us because prior to that, he looked quite frail even though this happened within 24hrs but he mustered enough strength to sit up and tried standing on his feet but on our appeal, we got him back on the bed. As soon as he went back to bed, I went to nap in the car again. Sounds like the disciples of Jesus who couldn’t stay awake with him for at least an hour.

As early as 7am the following morning, my entire siblings had returned to the hospital. The nurses had to mandate my mom to return home because of her sprained leg. At around past 9am, I got down from the car to see my dad again and as I approach the building, I saw Bankole walk out and uttered those words: Daddy has passed on. I didn’t know what to feel – Anger or Disappointment? The dream I had has just come true. I think I felt both Anger and Disappointment but to whom will I address my anger? I called one of the leaders in my ushering unit and I said I thought you guys told us to fast? Is this what fasting does? I just really couldn’t cry at that point. I didn’t have the strength to. I have lost my Dad. Just like that at 62? Ten years down the line, it feels like yesterday and I keep desiring even if it is just the last night before you passed on. I really wish I could have that back. I kept wondering if he knew how much I loved him. I kept wondering if he knew how much I would miss him. I have wondered for ten years what you felt like? I have wondered if the Death Angel appeared to you or was it Jesus?  I have wondered if you passed through a dark tunnel. Did you go straight to heaven? Were you scared? Did you fight to stay alive or did you just embrace the other world not minding if we would miss you? Now that you are gone, are you aware that I saw your death in my dream prior to it happening? Do you see my foolishness? Do you see my failures? Do you see my successes? Are you aware of how frustrated I get sometimes? Do you know the things I deal with? Did you deal with them? I am going to be honest here, you seem to make the other side look attractive though there is no rush. Ten years went in a flash but hardly any day passes without thinking that you are the reason why we have made it this far.

In all honesty, we never really understood your struggles until you left but to be fair to myself, I think I had an idea. Isn’t it funny how we often applaud people for what they accomplished but never give them credits for what they survived. You stuck out your neck for us. Your words are coming so true. Not that we agreed on everything but your words come so true. I hope to write on me misunderstanding you and vice-versa someday. How you thought I was too vain. How you thought all I was interested in were the superficial things of life. **smiles**. That is far from the type of son you raised.

Success doesn’t really feel like success when the person that set you on the path of success is not there to share the glory with you. While I miss you every single day, I miss you most during my failures and successes. Truly no one ever recovers from the death of a loved one but we patch it up and live through it. Yours left me with more questions than answers. Yours changed my entire life.