I am not one that pretends to be an excellent Christian. No! I am not one. I have many fundamental issues. But being one who has experienced a part of God and a lot of his unfailing love, I can share a piece of what I believe in. What I have experienced and some of my own unanswered questions in this Christian walk.

The pandemic- Covid-19 has generated a lot of buzz and a lot of contemplation in my own mind. A lot of people have questioned why many of our church leaders (especially in Nigeria) never saw this coming in all of their year 2020 prophecies. Well…I know of one who mentioned it but I am not here to project that. The truth is that, there are either two things- God probably didn’t tell them or they were probably not listening. There is an assumption by my generation that God has to inform us of everything. Maybe he does and we are not always listening or maybe out of his sovereign power, He chooses what he wants us to know ahead of time. Yes I am aware of God informing Abraham before he destroyed Sodom & Gomorrah but I am also aware God chooses what he tells us. It could be that our leaders are already engrossed in other things too but how do we know?

I have questioned how frightful the church (Christian) is and I have often wondered what happened to those bible verses that speaks about our exemptions from plagues? Mark 16:18 Psalm 91:10 and so on. Could it be that these verses were just poetic write ups of are they real? But being someone that has experienced some of the power of these verses, I am sure they are not just poetic writings of some scholars. As the bible says, the words that I speak to you, they are spirit and they are life – John 6:63. However, why do we now feel so fretful? Everything scares us.  I mean everything. There seem to be no difference between those who believe and those who don’t. While I believe in these verses, I also understand our inability sometimes to be able to take the courage of faith especially when courage is under fire but like CS Lewis said: “If we are all going to be destroyed by an atomic bomb, let that bomb when it comes find us doing sensible and human things- praying, working , teaching, reading, listening to music, bathing children, playing tennis, chatting with our friends over a pint and a game of darts- not huddled together like frightened sheep and thinking about bombs. They may break our bodies (a microbe can do that) but they need not dominate our minds”. In a nutshell even if these diseases come to kill us, it can only destroy our mortal bodies and our spirit becomes liberated from the shackles of this clay into eternal glory – Phil 1:21 Mathew 10: 28.

I remember a conversation I had with a very good friend who was a little bit disturbed with the decadence in Nigeria despite the proliferation of churches. He compared the country to Japan- which is one of the top four most developed countries in the world. According to him, majority of the Japanese don’t worship God and they are very developed which is very true. Their rate of development and their economy is worth paying attention to especially when you consider that the rebuilding of Japan only started after 1945 when the United States decimated the country during the WWII (Hiroshima & Nagasaki). However one of the unfortunate things that have happened to my generation is how we often equate spirituality to material well-being. I am a rational being and a very logical one at that and most often than not, my predilection is to do the same, but I am reminded that while Egypt was the Global power, worshiping idols, Israel lived as peasant which tells me that we cannot always equate material well-being to spirituality and if we decide to do so, then we are not any different from the church leaders we criticize that explains who God is with by the type of Cars that you drive. To be honest I am often caught in between this two divide because our God is a God of wisdom. When I think about the human anatomy, the entire universe and the type of intelligence he placed in Human beings, it almost seem as if the intelligent ones are the Godly ones like I have often argued that God is more favorable to entrepreneurs since they create jobs that sustains several families but I am also aware that is only one view. While I believe our connection to God should generate a lot of intelligence, I am also aware relationship with God is not arithmetic and this is what a lot of people in my generation struggle with. How can an intelligent God have foolish followers? How can a God that own all the Oil wells in the world have his people living in abject poverty and they don’t even own a single Oil company? I think these are legitimate questions that have instigated a lot of Church Leaders preaching sermons that motivates us to take over the economy of the world and sincerely, nothing wrong with that. A part of me believes in it. Whether it is right or not, I don’t know.

My friend went further to challenge the excesses of the Christian Church in Nigeria and for me, church excesses is not limited to Nigeria. We have Gay pastors in Europe and North America while we have materialistic and corrupt pastors in Nigeria. Church excesses are you and I as I told him. I am a church boy like I proudly say but I know all of the baggage I bring to church. This is not a justification of the ills in the Christian church but an acknowledgement of them and a realization that we are all part of the problem. I know the bible talks about Jesus Christ coming for a perfect church but what that perfect church is, I don’t know. I am also aware of how Jesus treated his disciples despite their frailties. On the night before the most important day in Christianity – the Passover preceding the death of Christ, I heard Jesus sit at dinner with the founding fathers of Christianity and as he fed them he said- One of you will betray me. The humility of his disciples at that dinner (the founding fathers of Christianity) really baffles me. Despite the lofty positions they held, seeing all the miracles the master had done, they were fully aware that if this Guy says one of you will betray me, he isn’t guessing. HE KNOWS WHO WILL. The bible recorded that each one of the disciples went to meet him one after the other asking “MASTER, IS IT I? In my contemplation, I am of the opinion that they were aware of their own shortcomings and they trusted that JESUS isn’t guessing, as a result they were humble enough to ask him “MASTER, IS IT I”? These guys were not pointing accusing fingers, rather they were looking inwards. As a matter of fact, the only one who didn’t ask was the one that betrayed the MASTER. We have spent too much time pointing who is doing wrong. Maybe we are the problem!

In my rational thinking I have often felt the church have become powerless. How can we afraid of Covid-19? (Churches are being closed (which I support), we never had church buildings in bible days and thank God for the internet. I personally don’t think we still have to go to a building. It is personal). As a result, I sometimes want to go for the jugular of the church which I am part of with bible quotes such as Mark 16:18 but I am reminded of the move of God. I read about Jesus performing raw miracles in his days but when he got on the cross, he couldn’t save himself because that was what all of his coming to earth was about. Then the thief on the left side told him “if you are the true messiah save yourself”. I remember watching that scene as a child and I felt a lot of anger in me that why would this guy say this to Jesus but as my rational mind grew, I found out I have been that thief several times. In all sincerity, wouldn’t we have said the same thing on social media? How can you call yourself the creator of the universe and you hang on a tree and feel helpless? Mat 27:42. I don’t want to be the thief on the left side. No! I don’t want to be. I don’t pretend like I understand God. Oh no! I don’t. I remember God using Moses to lead the Israelite and performing raw miracles- manna from heaven, wearing same clothes for 40yrs and the clothes were not worn or torn but I also remember Him using Joshua, Moses’ immediate successor and he wasn’t sending manna but they were fighting wars and conquering cities. Same God, different times and approach. I can go on and on but I am not even that knowledgeable to defend Christianity. However I love this Bible verse Hebrews 12:1 – running the race set before me. I am not of the opinion that Christianity has a lot of issues but I am part of those issues and if I can improve on myself and we all can take responsibilities, we may just be doing something right. But we cannot always interpret Godliness with material things